Grief can make us feel unsafe

As this is my very first blog post, I would like to acknowledge you and your journey.

Please know that whatever I write, it is always coming from a good place with the very best intentions.

Sitting on a plane on my way to Stockholm as I write this. It has made me reflect on how deeply we change through grief and how restricting it can be.

Looking back on my journey this far and remembering the feelings of feeling so unsafe in the world, especially outside familiar places or people, in large groups and sometimes having that feeling engulf you without warning.

I didn’t leave home for a very long time at times in different stages. It was like time stood still and I simply existed….barely existed. For me it was very much about keeping afloat and my driving force was and still is always our son Lucas. His wellbeing meant and means everything to me.

Reflecting back it feels like he helped me by needing me so that my attention was on him and his safety.

This time also allowed me to very slowly and tentatively looking inward, with tiny steps and little peaks to see what was hiding inside.

They say that the body is protecting us by blocking some of the pain, as if we felt the full force of the pain we wouldn’t survive.

Maybe sit with this knowledge for a while and allow it to sink in. Be grateful for how our minds and bodies serve us and protect us at these intensely painful times.

Grief is not over in a week, month or year. It is something we will carry for a lifetime. Therefore it is so very important to be kind to ourselves, to take time, to feel, heal and find our “new world “.

I really do believe that because of how our inner world changes as well as our view of the outer world, it makes us feel so unsafe. The world we once knew looks totally different in every way and we just can’t make sense of it all.

Allow yourself time and when you feel the time is right, try and explore this new world. There’s so much beauty and so many experiences to be had even if the world is so different to us.

For the very first time since Christian transitioned I am taking a journey on my own, feeling excited.

Wherever you are in your journey, please do not lose hope.

Sending light and love✨💜